Ghosts to Start Paying Rent at the Majestic Theatre

By Cornelius Pepperwood

Since the new renovation of the Majestic Theatre is underway, the board of the Majestic has decided to charge rent to the ghosts that have been living there for almost two centuries. The board came to this decision during a meeting last Tuesday.

“It’s the most cost effective way we can maintain the repairs.” Says Paul Pollard, President of the board. “They’ve been living here scot-free for over a hundred years. They should get off their lazy asses and start paying us money.”

With the boards decision to start charging the ghosts rent, there have been a number of complaints from the buildings tenants.

“I feel betrayed.” Duke Ellington Funkleworth III proclaimed at the tenants meeting just last night. “It’s like they don’t even care about us. Some of us have been here for years, scaring tour groups & fucking with ghost hunters. It’s not how I planned on spending my golden years, but it’s a life ya know?”

“It’s gentrification is what it is!” Yelled Thomas Worthington during the meeting. “The board is going to charge us rent and kick us out so they can remodel this place so the young professional ghosts can come in and take our home! They’ll be here with their fancy graphic design degrees and fedoras, and where will we be? Kicked to the curb like some….some…poltergeist!”

“Times are tough. We all know this, but the free ride for these freeloading ghosts is over. If they want to listen to The Beatles cover band I have booked for 48 weeks this year, they’re going to have to pay up!” Said Pollard.

“I don’t even like the Beatles! The Stones all the way baby!” Said Funkleworth

The legal battle for the tenants is underway. It’s not sure how the outcome will be, but the ghosts demands are very transparent.

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