Last Tuesday, the Chillicothe Parking Committee unveiled their newest plan to fight against long term parking offenders in the downtown area. It is a 25 ft tall parking battle-bot properly nicknamed “The Enforcer.”
“We believe this is the best course of action to subdue the vile parking pricks that plague our city,” says Courtney Lewis, president of the Parking Committee and chief engineer of the robot.
“The Enforcer” will cost city tax payers 2.4 million dollars. A hefty price, but the committee says it is an “absolute necessity”.
“The parking officer does a fine job, but the parking murderbot 9000 can write tickets and flip over cars in record breaking time!” Lewis says as she salivates with excitement.
We witnessed the Parking Bot 9000 go to work in a test run. It’s speed is impeccable as well as its dual twin plasma cannons mounted on the shoulders that can shoot an apple off a Ford Fusion from 3 clicks away.
When we asked if plasma cannons were really necessary, Lewis scoffed.
“These….criminals need to understand that you can’t just park wherever you want. There are rules, and if you don’t want to pay 15 dollars, then BAM! Say goodbye to your Chevy Equinox and say hello to the pain train.
The parking murderbot 9000 is a technological marvel to say the least, and the committee has even more plans for it.
“Wait until it becomes sentient.” Lewis said as her pupils dilated. “Soon, The Enforcer will not just write tickets and flip over the cars of my enemies…I mean, the repeat Parking violators. It will start shooting those pigeons that shit on my car! A new age has dawned!”
The parking murderbot 9000 will start it’s patrol during the middle of summer.