Chillicothe Declared City of Eskimo Brotherly Love

If you’ve ever been on the dating scene in Chillicothe you may have noticed a slight trend: A vast majority of potential mates have banged at least 3 or 4 people you know. Due to a relatively small population and even smaller pool of active singles, this phenomenon is experienced by the vast majority of hopeful daters.

Now an obscure publication entitled “SupBro Magazine” has used this data to name Chillicothe as 2017’s City of Eskimo Brotherly Love. For those not familiar with the terminology here, Eskimo Brothers are defined as two or more men that have had intercourse with the same woman. To be fair and even, the data also included Eskimo Sisters.

“That’s f%#king gross.” chirped a single gal when asked for comment.

“Everyone has pretty much banged everyone around here.” chuckled a mustachioed fella wishing only to be identified as “Taco.”

“Every day we stray farther from God’s light,” a local church leader commented. “Every time you swipe right on Tinder, Jesus weeps for us.”

“Aw hell,” said resident redneck Jimmy “Slickfinger” Sanders, “we all fishin’ out of the same pond. And I’m all about catch and release, baby. Hell I bet some’a these fish been caught a hundred times.”

While this may not sound like a shining achievement for the city, it’s not all bad. The EBDB (Eskimo Brothers Database) was originally compiled as a way to create bonds from indirectly shared experiences. Eskimo Brothers and Sisters have been known to watch sports together, drink beer together, and generally look out for each other.

Whether you like the title or not, one thing is for sure. Your Eskimo Brothers and Sisters deserve a beer.

You know what they’ve been through.

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