The Building Department was buzzing last week with overwhelming news. A gargantuan project was submitted for approval, leaving them scrambling to find thousands of temporary reviewers to help in the unprecedented task. The 240 mile diameter orbiting car lot, only one of its kind in the galaxy, is intended to serve the entire planet while housing 500,000 sales personnel and just as many service droids. The Building Department is reeling from this tsunami of a work load. I reached out to Darth Nourse, Sith Lord commanding the Nourse Empire, the to find out more about the behemoth battle station, err, I mean car lot.
Stink Stack: Thank you for seeing me, Lord Nourse. Your plans for the galaxy’s largest car lot have been submitted for approval, what’s next?
Darth Nourse: The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands.
SS: What is your inspiration for putting an orbiting car lot in space?
DN: If Elon Musk can put one car in space, what’s stopping me from putting millions there?
SS: Fair enough. Do you have any rebuttal to the belief that this isn’t actually a car lot but a death ray capable of destroying the planet?
DN: The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Nourse.
SS: Has it occurred to you that this may be a wildly impractical way to sell cars?
DN: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
(My throat begins to tighten)
SS: Thank you for your time, Lord Nourse. I’ll see myself out.
DN: As you wish.
While the plans have just been submitted some believe that the moon size car lot is not just already under construction but in fact quite operational. A small rebel alliance has formed, unhappy with the proliferation of the Galactic Nourse Empire, to stop the growing presence of yellow and red eye sores. Commanded by scruffy looking nerf herder and City Council member Han Proehlo, it’s rumored that a small group of rebel forces has infiltrated the Building Department to steal plans for the orbiting car lot in an attempt to find its weakness.
For more on this rumor I spoke with unofficial resistance spokes person and young hot shot, Luke Skyfeeney. He had this to say:
“It turns out the battle station, uh I mean car lot, has one weakness. There’s a small exhaust port that if shot just right can set off a chain reaction that will destroy the whole thing. The problem is that the port is only two meters wide and some folks say that’s impossible to hit. I told them it’s not impossible. I used to bullseye east end street rats in my T-16 and they are no bigger than two meters.”
Hot shot indeed. It seems to me that this plan will cause the deaths of innocent sales people on the satellite car lot but Luke Skyfeeney shrugged the suggestion off saying this.
“They knew what they were signing up for.”
For more information I went to the face of the rebellion, Han Proehlo. The City Council member and scoundrel with a heart of gold is leading the charge to hold off the tide of yellow and red spreading like some kind of used car virus. Rallying support with a petition and spreading community awareness of the impending EZ-Credit doom has become his recent priority. I asked him how he felt about the latest developments.
“Hokey car salesmen and ancient used cars are no match for a good petition at your side, kid.”
Upon parting with the stoic hero I told him the public loves him. His reply.
While the resistance makes their plans, Darth Nourse is Nourse choking his way to world domination. We here at the Stink Stack Beacon ask all citizens of the republic who oppose the Nourse Death Star to reach out to their district’s city council members and ask them to oppose the zoning change.