“Editor in Chief Michael Throne to Leave The Stink Stack Beacon”

A couple of weeks ago, we here at the Stink Stack Beacon heard some news that would shake us to our very foundation. Our beloved leader, editor, owner, main contributor, and lead photoshop expert, Michael Throne is leaving us. 

“I just feel that it’s time for me to move on” Said Throne. “I did a lot of good here, I think and I’m ready to take my talents elsewhere.”

We asked Michael to reminisce on some of the history of Stink Stack. 

“The entire idea happened when I was partying with Larry Huff and the ghost of Thomas Worthington on Ross Lake. We were sitting there drinking a couple 40s and jammin’ to Gwen Stefani when Thomas looks over at me and says “You know what would be a bitchin? A fake satirical news site about chillytown.” We all started laughing so hard, malt liquor came out of our asses. Then that’s when I knew this was an AMAZING idea.” Said Throne enthusiastically. 

“I got a bunch of dudes I use to write with in college and we just started writing articles like there was no tomorrow. A lot of them are still around to this day.” 

“When this place first started, it was a riot.” Recalls Senior Writer Randy Flinger. “He would go around calling us “Dirty Mike & The Boys”. We sounded like a raunchy porno cast that solved crimes on the side. In a way…that’s kind of how we still are.” Said Flinger as he lit a cigarette. 

“Yup. This place won’t be the same without ol Dirty Mike.” Said Mean Gene’s Revenge. 

We asked the writers why they all had aliases and Michael did not. 

“Shit. I’ll tell you why. Mike is a loose cannon. He don’t give a fuuuckkkkkkkkk.” belched Flinger. “I have a wife, kids, and a mortgage. If someone found out that I was writing for this, I’d be run out of town. I’d be mortified. But not good ol Michael Throne. He takes the bull by the horns. He’s a maverick and a god damn American hero for staying true to this institution of journalism.” 

“I’m going to miss it here. The laughs. The late nights. But I hear the train coming and it’s about time for me head on out.” Throne said as he dematerialized into the ether of space and time. 

So long, Michael Throne, the real creator and owner of The Stink Stack Beacon, you will be missed. 

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