“Fed up Local Moms Dump Kids Off at Parks as a Paltry Sacrifice to Coronavirus”

This past Wednesday, scores of children were left unattended at local parks in Chillicothe area by fed up local moms as a paltry sacrifice to the Coronavirus. 

We witnessed moms from across the area Tokyo Drift into the park, and in one full fluid motion, fling their children out of their sticker family cladded mini vans.  

We followed one mother home to ask her about her flocks of soccer moms dumping their kids off like one dumps White Castle sliders at 3 am. 

“First Dewine said “Social Distancing” then “2 weeks and school closings”. Now it’s another month and more school closings….momma can’t handle this….” Local PTO Mom, Karen Karenson said frantically looking in and out of cabinets. We asked Karenson about why the sudden abandonment of local kids. 

“Well, me and the rest of the “Bad moms” that’s what we like to call ourselves. Ha! Thought if we kinda just….gave our kids up to Corona as a sacrifice for our sins, maybe it would go away, ya know? AH THERE YOU ARE BABY! MOMMA MISSED YOU!” Karenson exclaimed as she held a bottle of dusty Arbor Mist 

When we asked if they actually thought that theory would work Karenson was pretty hot and cold about the matter. 

“Listen, it sounds far fetched, but do you have kids? Ever been around your kid all day? They should pay teachers millions if not trillions to take care of my little Brently. I mean where else are we suppose to keep our kids? In the house? Where I live? Crazy. I guess if they get hungry they know the way back…but I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it. I can’t take it….” Cried Karenson has she began to guzzle the Arbor Mist while blaring Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” for some weird reason. 

For more updates and kid fostering advice subscribe today. 

1 Comment

  1. Well, child torture is through the roof since the hysteria started. We should throw those witches into a volcano ..as payback to the innocent children being tormented by “parents”.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.